My Most Favorite Thing (a back story)

When you were a kid did you have that one thing that always made you feel better?  A stuffed animal or pillow or toy that when you were scared or sad or lonely you'd cuddle up with and everything would seem better?  Remember the smell, the texture, exactly what it looked like?  Remember when you decided that you were old enough to get along without it and put it away in a box or gave it to charity or (God forbid) it went in the trash?  Well, I never outgrew mine.  I tried to when I went to college- I was going to leave Banky (my beloved baby blanket) at my parents' house while I embarked on the rest of my life away from home.  One of my best friends convinced me, however, that if there was ever a time to have the thing that comforted me, it would be when I was living away from home for the first time (for reference, she did bring her childhood stuffed animal to college with her too).  To this day, I sleep with Banky folded up on my pillow.

This may not seem so crazy to you.  The idea of having a little quilt folded on a pillow probably seems harmless; if house guests saw it, they probably wouldn't give it a second thought.  Well, if you think this, then you haven't seen Banky in the past, let's say, 15 years.  Sure, when I was a baby it was cute, subtle almost- but when you love one possession more than any other for nearly 30 years it causes a little wear and tear (to say the least).  Banky has been through a lot.  He's (yes, I've given my baby blanket a gender) lived in multiple states, resided at several different Summer Stock Theatres, and I'm pretty sure he's been to Canada.  He's lived through my dad throwing him out  (I dug him out of the trash) and I almost left him in a hotel more than once.

My mom did her best to keep Banky in one piece.  I remember each year we'd sit down and replace the ties that had fallen out during the year.  She'd make sure it got washed and dried properly, but after awhile I think she thought it was hopeless (or "beyond the pale" to use a phrase my mother would use).  My parents begged me to get rid of him.  When I was in high school my father forbid me from taking "that rag" out of my room.  And, I must admit, Banky does kind of look like an old rag.  Looking at him now, you'd have no idea what the fabric looked like.  No idea of the color or texture or that there were ever ties in it holding it together.  The only way to see the pattern on any of the fabric is to open up the corner seems and look really hard.  It is a lovely shade of dirty grey (the last time it was washed was probably 10 years ago- it's too fragile to be washed, it would simply disintegrate).  It's not just falling apart at the seems, it is falling apart everywhere.  Yes, as much as it pains me to say- Banky is nearing the end of his life (although I'm never getting rid on him.  Hear me?  Never.)

I was convinced that I knew exactly what Banky looked like in his (and my) younger years, but my memory of 25 years ago is a little fuzzy.  I was convinced that there were two different fabrics patch worked on the front- one blue and one pink of little flower buds.  The back I remember being the same, but with yellow flower buds.  Yep, you guessed it, I was wrong.  When I decided to try to recreate Banky, I asked my mom to email me some photos of it from my childhood.  She couldn't find many (which is strange, considering my obsession with it)- she asked my brother to scan a few of them for me.  His response?  "Jess, your baby blanket isn't in any of these pictures.  These are pictures of a patchworked quilt."  That's right, Banky is in such poor condition my own brother had never known it was patchwork, but I guess I can't blame him...

The best picture of the blanket shows that there were many more different patches than I had remembered, but there is no photo of the entire blanket laid flat, so there is no way that I can recreate it perfectly, so I'm making it feel like the original (I mean, that's the whole point, right?)

(I tried to repair this tear.  It then tore away from the repair.)

I've spent about a month trying to track down the fabric for Banky Jr.  I found some of the fabric without much trouble.  The blue was the trickiest and what I found is close, but not exact.  I have run out of patience and funding for this project, so I'm going have to live with what I have.  It will never be perfect because it will never be Banky.  I have started cutting the square and actually still have not decided exactly what the front of it is going to look like.  I am hopeful that it will be finished this weekend- pictures of the new and improved baby blanket to be posted then.  Yes, the next post will have a lot more color than this one!  Keep your fingers crossed for me on this project.  I'm going to be really sad if it doesn't go well.